Checklist for Ms Winfrey
…it’s Bush Babe here. You know – the one with almost 170 regular viewers (a little like your 70 MILLION fans!)…
Okay, you probably don’t know me, but I thought you might appreciate a quick note from a native for your forthcoming visit to the Land of Oz. Your touted trip is causing enormous excitement amongst my fellow Aussies (especially the news channels who are behaving like star-struck teenagers at a Justin Bieber concert) and I reckon you (and your entourage of 300 American audience members and 150 staff) might require some pointers in the art of appreciating our fine land…
1. BRING YOUR CAMERA…
We have some of the oddest looking creatures around.
Even the animals are worth a shot or two.
If you are feeling brave/foolhardy, do a Steve Irwin and grab some local wildlife like this blue-tongue lizard. He gave my husband quite a thrill as he snapped his little gums before he was picked up. And it’s all about adrenaline, isn’t it? I’d advise you to steer clear of the ones without legs though… their bite is WAY worse than their snap.
2. GET DOWN AND DIRTY…
While our cities are gorgeous and very much like American cities, our countryside demands that you forget about the laundry. Make sure you don’t schedule your white jeans for this part of the trip – our red dirt is RED, baby!
And the very best fun is to be had by forgetting all about cleanliness and seeing how BIG a splash you can make…
3. SOAK UP THE CLEAN AIR AND SUNSHINE…
I speak from experience when I say there is NOTHING in the world like the fresh air and unpolluted space of the Aussie bush. It fairly takes your breath away… in the nicest possible way!
And there is nothing quite as cute as a herd of curious cows to add to the atmosphere!
4. THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND….
Chase that interesting bird or beetle, and never mind if a rusty barbed-wire fence nabs you by the collar on the way.
Someone is sure to be on hand to extricate you. And the bug will be TOTALLY worth the minor embarrassment.
5. WE HAVE REALLY CUTE MEN…
I realise this is not so much a packing list point as an incentive, and the particular one photographed here is for viewing purposes only (he ain’t for sale)… but you know, and I know, there is no nicer view than a good-lookin’ country boy in a well-fitting pair of Wranglers. I happen to know a little shop you can buy Stedman a couple of pairs at a reasonable price. I might get the owner to throw in a pair for your pilot too.
RM Williams boots are also recommended to transform your man into an Aussie hunk. Joan’ll probably do you a deal on those too!
6. DON’T LET THE GOVERNMENT AND TOURISM BODIES ORGANISE THE WHOLE TRIP…
While you’ll see some really wonderful places with their help, you need to get out and meet some REAL Aussies. The ones who aren’t too polished up and perfect are always the most fun. I can introduce you to some cracking characters who would be prepared to give you a guided tour…
… and you’ve gotta know if they are generally known as “Bruiser” then you’re in for an interesting ride.
7. CHECK OUT OUR VERSION OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE…
We almost speak the same language as you. But not quite. Explanation here. It will help you understand why we think something is hilarious when it CLEARLY is not.
8. Lastly (related to the above point and possibly most importantly) BRING YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR!
You’ll need it – for the endlessly long drives required to get from point A to point B in our vast open land (that Qantas jet might fit in your studio, but it won’t get into any rural airport I know of). It also helps to have some humour on hand to deal with our occasionally nasty wildlife and also to deal with the wicked, dry wit of our residents. And if you mention your fanny at ANY stage, please expect us to all fall about in stitches. We are childish and juvenile like that. (see Point #7 and my little language guide.)
Please note that I am even prepared to galvanise our one-teacher school P&C to cater for your travelling show – heck, we handled over a thousand cyclists for smoko at the Bunyip Hole the other day… a couple of hundred Yanks can’t be too hard, can it? Homemade sausage rolls, pikelets, scones, damper, coffee and tea all round…
Have your people call my people… (where ‘my people’ = me).
Always, yours in anticipation…
🙂 BB
16 Comments
Kelly
Great post!!
Kelly´s last blog post ..Nemesis by Lindsey Davis
Kate
That’s how much I follow the news. I didn’t even know she was coming down your way. Look out!
Loved your fun guide here.
Kate´s last blog post ..Contest! Name this photo
Chookyblue
love your post……but I bet they will not make it over the ranges………it will only be to tourist coastal places not the amazing wonderful places we live…..would love to get to see the show………
Chookyblue´s last blog post ..The great nine patch swap
Jayne
Hera, hear!
Well said and spot on 😉
Jayne´s last blog post ..Show and Tell with the pretty petals
A Novel Woman
Isn’t that funny? I watched her show yesterday and the first thing I thought of was, “Oprah is going down under to say hey to Bush Babe!”
So say hey to Oprah for me, will you?
A Novel Woman´s last blog post ..Fall is here
Bush Babe
You funny! While I am quite sure Ms Winfrey would enjoy Granite Glen immensely, methinks her every SECOND will be scheduled already… but wouldn’t it be fun?
🙂
BB
Nancy in Iowa
Snickering here – before I left on a 3-week camping tour of England over 35 years ago, a British friend gave me some language lessons. The word he stressed most as off-limits was “fanny”, which to me was just my backside. He also told me not to be shocked if anyone I met along the way offered to “knock me up” – to Yanks that’s getting a girl pregnant, but he insisted it just meant the person would come calling at my door. Such interesting differences in one languge!
debby
I heard that she was headed down under. If I was her, I’d be totally knocking you up, BB. Then we could sit on our parts that ain’t fannies and have a real nice visit.
:^D
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Bush Babe
Oh Deb – you are a riot! I reckon you would fit in SOOOO well down here… you MUST try and win a ticket with Oprah (can you do that? Will google soon!).
♥
BB
nicolette
I’m here via Chookyblue’s blog. This post is wonderful. Thanks for sharing your humour and the great pictures!
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Amanda
It will be interesting to see which places she visits.
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Nancy in Iowa
Debby, you made me LOL!!!
Jenni in KS
Now I have to go google alfalfa. I know it’s a crop used for hay, and I also eat alfalfa sprouts on my sandwiches sometimes. I thought they were the same plant. I must know! Lucerne is a food product brand (I think mostly dairy) and also a city in Switzerland I think.
Also, after looking at the language guide I’m confused about whether or not y’all use the term “hiney” and how you use it if you do. I kind of figured “fanny” meant the same thing in Australia as it does in England.
Jenni in KS´s last blog post ..The Second Most Dangerous Game
Sal
Thanks for the smile this morning – awesome blog BB! When the time comes to call for more grubby country kids with smiles bigger than the harbour bridge… let me know, we’d love to lend a hand in making her feel most welcome in the bush! 🙂 Good stuff – wouldn’t it be just awesome if she did get to experience the real Australia?!
Rhu
I hope someone sends her this page, I really do. Can just see her sippin’ tea with y’all and trading chat… 😉
Charlene
Awesome post – It would be wonderful if Oprah did get to experience *REAL AUSTRALIA* – thanks for the giggle 🙂
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