Bush Babe’s Olympic effort
Aren’t you glad the Olympics are over?
I sure am.
I sure am.
Not that I don’t have my favourite moments (personally, I couldn’t go past our blond Aussie pole vaulter pretending he couldn’t jump anything much until the last moment, then scraping over to win GOLD, then backing up nonchalantly to notch up an Olympic record to boot! I wonder if he plays poker too?).
…
And it’s not that I didn’t love the fortnight of flashing of perfect human form – think Michael Phelps abdomen …
Dear Lord, is that thing legal?
Dear Lord, is that thing legal?…and the Jamaican Bolt’s incredible thighs, our sweet gay Aussie high diver’s perfect lil’ butt… (reminds me of my grandmother, who was a saucy old thing, gazing at the swimmers during the Brisbane Commonwealth Games and declaring: “My, they DO have dear little bottoms!” to her slightly stunned granddaughter) …and the super slow-mo’s of the volleyball girls and the marathon women’s fat-free legs as they leapt gazelle-like and ran ludicrous distances in the name of Sport. And Voyeurism. Ah, the Olympic spirit!
…
I had a horrible moment myself, when I briefly contemplated what my thighs might look like in slow-mo. A ripple of Olympic Closing ceremony proportions…
*shudder*.
So I turned the TV off and started on an Olympic event of my own.
…
One that I really should have put in some serious training for.
Because God knows that I am badly out of shape, for all events except the Olympic washer-to-dryer lift and dishwasher-unload. I’m starting a campaign to have those two events added to the 2016 games.
Anyone with me?
…
No, really, the event I decided (in a rush of Olympic-inspired blood) to take on was…
The Clover Spraying.
By hand.
With a 12 litre backpack pump.
Made for a bloke about a foot taller than me.
And to top it off, I decided to add pink dye to the spray, to see where I had been.
Very practical, no?
Hmmm….
Well my friends, today, I look out over my lawn and imagine the inviting lush green of a clover-free summer yard. And I do my level best to ignore my bruised shoulders, from 10 loads of clover and bindii poison. I ignore the abdomen muscles shaken rudely from years of hibernation with my four-and-a-half hour spraying stint. I ignore the sunburn around my neck (it’s Winter here, I forgot my sunscreen, OK?). I ignore the aching leg muscles and shaky wrist from holding the spray nozzle in a certain position for hours on end. And I ignore the fact that I was so dog-tired after this unanticipate physical activity that I couldn’t even keep my eyelids open to see the start of the Closing Ceremony. I ignore it all.
Yes I do.
Do so!
…
I ignore all these factors, and overcome my badly out-of-shape physique, and look at this:
Yeah.
Whole new meaning to painting the town red, eh?
Painting Granite Glen pink.
So can you see how it might look in a few weeks?
All verde and even and lush?
You’ve just got to use your imagination!
Luckily mine is in tip-top shape…
Ripped, you might say.
Your Olympic candidate for Imagination .
BB
Question: What was your favourite Olympic moment, and why?
10 Comments
Andrea
I love your Olympic overview! I am so with you on sick of looking at perfect bodies! I am with ya with the laundry being added as a sport. I could do that and keep up with the best of them!!
Love your photos and I love that one of Phelps’ abs. I could get used to that!! hee hee!
I love to watch gymnastics. I think that and the equestrian events are my favorites. I didn’t get to watch any of the show jumping or the dressage because we dont’ have cable.
dykewife
except for the odd photograph in a magazine or newspaper, i’ve totally avoided the olympics this summer. i didn’t watch the openings ceremonies, didn’t observe a single event and i totally ignored the closing ceremonies.
i have many reasons some political and some practical. the summer games just aren’t where canada shines.
Jayne
I’m hanging for the Paralympics, they start in 11 days YIPPEE!
ABC2 is broadcasting it live (about bloody time) so we can watch real sporting heroes 🙂
Portia
I’m glad the Olympics are done too. Now I can go to bed before
1 AM. Loved with swimming.
The size of your lawn would definately qualify you for Olympic Clover Spraying.
It would be great to compete in the washer/dryer even with you. It would be my guess that you have some really interesting/scary laundry stains and you’d win the gold with your high technical marks.
The dishwasher unload became too much of a burden for me and I passed the event onto my kids. The vacuuming, lawn mowing, dusting and bathroom cleaning has also been taken up by those needing gas money.
Bush Babe (of Granite Glen)
Wow – what an assorted response.
Portia – welcome!!! A lady after my own heart… can’t wait til Dash and TLW pick up the baton in the housecleaning relay!! (NB you and Deb need to chat with kids off to college and all!).
DW, I totally understand why Winter Olympics might be more your cup of tea… mind you, Aussies are rarely represented much in them, yet we seem to watch them with as much vigour as we do the summer olympics. Aussies (or at least my family!) are a bit mad that way! The thing about summer is… well… more skin! *laughs evilly!*
Jayne – oh, how I wish I got ABC2! The bush loses again! I have been watching that amazing ad with the swimmer through the games and been fascinated. Some of the best stories I ever did as a journo were of paralympians… totally Heroes with a big H.
Andrea – that’s right! I was going to get on my high horse about the lack of equestrian coverage (get it? High horse? Oh dear!). We were ROBBED!!! Talk about some gorgeous horseflesh…
Gotta go muck out the bedrooms…
BB
Debby
My favorite part of the Olympics was being sprawled out on the floor with the cu-yoo-tist little baby girl you ever saw. I was telling everyone about your ‘Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!’ and she just giggled and giggled every single time I said “Oi!” She loved it. I sounded like a nutcase Oz-woman, but I really loved hearing her giggle. I watched the men’s relay. That was good. Mostly though, I didn’t watch, so I shouldn’t comment. So I’m not going to. It would be rude of me to run on about something that I know nothing about. Bye.
jeanie
Did you watch Denton last night? Besides the much touted Megan Gale interview (which was actually really good) he had on Kurt Fearnley (review by Paralympic Education Site) and it made me laugh and cry and really look forward to the next round!
Do we get disqualified if we use the Weed’n’Feed attached to the hose? I think the housework heptatholon should have degrees of difficulty attached also – pegging out and scrubbing floors would be the ones noone chooses to do unless absolutely required for a medal!
(Oh, and did you just out a diver? I mean, we all had him outed in our minds, but is it official?)
Jenni
I’ve used one of those sprayers and it is awful. Why can’t they make them with padded straps? Or maybe they do and we just don’t have that model. I’ve determined that I will only spray poison ivy and I’ll allow FIL to spray the Johnson grass in our yard. (I personally don’t care about the Johnson grass, but I understand the need to spray it. It’s sorta pretty though.) Weeds that must go get pulled by hand. I don’t bother with things like clover, though. I kinda like weeds that don’t make me itch or sneeze.
Karen
When we lived in suburbia, we used to work on our lawn religiously. Now that we’re out in the country, we don’t bother. The weeds are green, and they look grass-like when mowed *grin*.
Bush Babe (of Granite Glen)
Debby – we need all the cheer squad we can get … after all there are only 1/10th as many of us as you guys!!! Oi!
Jeanie – the Housework Heptathlon!! Love it…. and NO I did not out the diver. He outed himself a few months ago. What kind of woman do you think you have as a sister? I thought he was fabulous and FAR too concerned about his hair to be straight. And the boy could DIVE!
Jenni and Karen – I appreciate you are trying to make me feel better about my clover, but seriously, it was OUT OF CONTROL. It had taken over the lawn. (Triffids style) and my kids couldn’t walk on it for the burrs. I will be rewarded with unrelenting brown-ness and hopefully (with some help from above) enough moisture to kick-start some couch back into business. Wish me luck!
🙂
BB