A little terrorism humour
OK…I don’t do this very often, but the following made me giggle.
And I reckon we could all do with a good giggle, what with all the economic crises casting their ugly shadows, our footy teams losing and personal challenges smacking us around.
It’s from an anonymously penned email (definitely the brainstorm of an anonymous AUSSIE though) that arrived in my Inbox this morning.
It illustrates the laid-back-ness of my home country perfectly.
Not sure if it illustrates your home country – perhaps you can embellish?
(Personally I think it goes easy on the Yanks!)
So please grab your beverage of choice, put your happy hats on and enjoy.
Government’s responses to Terrorism Alerts: the overview
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The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross“. Brits have not been “A Bit Cross” since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance“. The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.
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The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide“. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender“. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide“. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender“. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.
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It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing“. Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides“.
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The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose“. Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels . The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose“. Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels . The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
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Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.
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And at a local level… New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”. Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us“. In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called “Bondi”.
And at a local level… New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”. Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us“. In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called “Bondi”.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, mate“. Three more escalation levels remain: “Crikey!”, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled“.
There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the used of the final escalation level.
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Note: For my non-Aussie friends (if I have any left after this post!) I will go into the fully explanation of the Aussie barbecue (BBQ) at a later date.
Terrorism alerts permitting.
🙂
BB
PS If anyone from the aforementioned countries takes offence at the quoted email, please refer to this post to help you understand our strange and twisted humour. It’s called ‘taking the piss’. Or in the case of our dear neighbours, the Kiwis: ‘taking the pus’.
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PPS I notice Canada has been left off this list – c’mon my Canuck comrades… see what you can offer to insert on behalf of your fine government…
16 Comments
Lydia
OK, I almost snorted my coffee with that one. As a Yank, I must say this really did go easy on us…. a break I’m sure we didn’t deserve.
Thanks for that!
Mom L
Ha! Gave me a good giggle this morning. And yeah, it’s pretty accurate regarding my American government!!!
Nancy in Atlanta
sues2u2
Too funny but as a former AF wife I have to say it doesn't really Get this administration. This one seems to say "quick, make friends" or "extend a hand & pray they don't bite it off". Just sayin'
Kelly
What a hoot! There were a couple of these that were right on the mark!!! LOL!!!
Leenie
Loved all of it. Yeah, and we (US) change from an administration of “shoot now, ask questions later,’ to “group hug” which escalates to “kiss butt.” Sure miss Ronald Reagen.
Kate
So funny, i was laughing my head off! And spot on. What is Bondi? I do have to say that i agree with the girls above. This administration has certainly changed tactics. Should be interesting…
Wrensong Farm
Thanks for the chuckle!! 🙂
Debby
You and Pam both had jokes on your blog. I feel like I’ve missed a meme… I thought it was very funny.
Reddirt Woman
Unfortunately, it seems ever since Teddy Roosevelt said to tread softly and carry a big stick, the idea has stuck with us ‘yanks’. We still have a love affair with our toys. I, myself, thought that after the shoot now and ask questions later, group hug, and kiss butt, the top level would be bend over and grab your ankles…
Just saying… payback is a big D.A.W.G.
Helen
Bush Babe
RDW,sue2u2, Mom L and Leenie – I guess the Obama admin is yet to make an impression on opinion from this distance (blinding us with whitened teeth and beautifully-delivered BS might be another generalisation!).
Debby – no meme. Just been a little serious round here lately!
Wrensong Farm and Kelly – you are most welcome!
Lydia – hope it wasn’t too hot!!
Kate – Bondi is a beach suburb of Sydney – the joke is due to the fact that so many Kiwis live in Australia!
🙂
BB
Anonymous
Thankyou BB dear for that interesting report 🙂 I would much rather read this view than the nattering over at CNN or BBC news.
Gratefully
Theresa in Alberta
A Novel Woman
We don’t have an official designation for security levels. We merely open another beer and wave a hockey stick in a menacing manner.
Carol
Oh my goodness….I’m still laughing… I’ve got to send this to all my friends…
Bush Babe
Theresa – I can make up news for you anytime… we should do our own version of a news flash from our own neck of the woods…
ANW – hahaha! I knew Aussies and Canucks had a lot on common!!!
Carol – share the giggles!!!
prairierunner
You’re a hoot like most of the Aussie’s I know 😉
In transit
HA! Belgium to a T.