Drama Queen!
WARNING: long and self-indulgent post ahead. Requires a big mug of coffee at the very least. And a Bailey’s on Ice. And possibly a bottle of scotch. It covers a 24 hour period which finished yesterday at 8pm. And it proves that I am bit of a Drama Queen. I shall kneel for my crown at the end…
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It all began after I left Jeanie’s house. We had chowed down a fabulous mix of takeaway cuisine (Indian curries) and home-cooked delicacies (pork chops and steamed veges) before I waved goodbye and headed off in the Prado.
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I was feeling very slightly guilty and excited about staying a night in a motel nearby – guilty, because I usually stay with my sister and her family, but as I have a hacking night cough I decided to spend sleeping hours annoying anonymous people rather than my loved ones. Excited, because I rarely have a night to myself. Just me. On my own. In a room with ‘facilities’. Watching whatever TV program I choose (even if channel seven reception was a bit dodgy). And free ‘real’ broadband. It doesn’t take much to excite me, really.
I was feeling very slightly guilty and excited about staying a night in a motel nearby – guilty, because I usually stay with my sister and her family, but as I have a hacking night cough I decided to spend sleeping hours annoying anonymous people rather than my loved ones. Excited, because I rarely have a night to myself. Just me. On my own. In a room with ‘facilities’. Watching whatever TV program I choose (even if channel seven reception was a bit dodgy). And free ‘real’ broadband. It doesn’t take much to excite me, really.
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Anyhoo, there I was driving along. Singing along (badly, by myself) to Robbie Williams, anticipating watching Desperate Housewives (by myself) and even maybe indulging in a tooth glass of chardonnay (this motel didn’t extend to wineglasses, a fact which failed to take the edge of the anticipation!). I had had a hectic day including a medical appointment (for myself), a Prado medical appointment (air con on the blink AGAIN), mega visits to the hardware store (hello patient Bunnings lady!) and the soft furnishings division of Kmart along, with numerous other essential once-every-four-month shop encounters around Big Town.
Anyhoo, there I was driving along. Singing along (badly, by myself) to Robbie Williams, anticipating watching Desperate Housewives (by myself) and even maybe indulging in a tooth glass of chardonnay (this motel didn’t extend to wineglasses, a fact which failed to take the edge of the anticipation!). I had had a hectic day including a medical appointment (for myself), a Prado medical appointment (air con on the blink AGAIN), mega visits to the hardware store (hello patient Bunnings lady!) and the soft furnishings division of Kmart along, with numerous other essential once-every-four-month shop encounters around Big Town.
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I had the following day nicely planned out – blood tests at 7am, picking up 800kg of pavers in box trailer at 7.30am, on the road back to Granite Glen by 8.00am. Home in time to catch my father-in-law and his lovely wife for smoko. Sweet.
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I had almost arrived at my chosen ‘home for a night’ when a neon light waved on the road in front of me. Cops. I glanced at my watch and breathed a sigh – plenty of time for a quick breath-test before DH. No alcohol imbibed. All was good. Smile nicely for the officer, BB.
I had almost arrived at my chosen ‘home for a night’ when a neon light waved on the road in front of me. Cops. I glanced at my watch and breathed a sigh – plenty of time for a quick breath-test before DH. No alcohol imbibed. All was good. Smile nicely for the officer, BB.
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The police officer (very young and a tad nervous) asked for my licence and informed me I would be breathalysed. Sure officer, I said with a smile. No worries. I slid my licence from my wallet (yay, found it first look – totally organised). He shone his torch on the plastic, and paused.
The police officer (very young and a tad nervous) asked for my licence and informed me I would be breathalysed. Sure officer, I said with a smile. No worries. I slid my licence from my wallet (yay, found it first look – totally organised). He shone his torch on the plastic, and paused.
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He asked if I was aware my licence had EXPIRED? Um. Well, no. Actually haven’t looked at the thing since I opened a new bank account a few months back. And there had been no reminders in the mail. A simple oversight, officer.
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He walked off to the squad car to radio in and check my record. I drummed my fingers, checked my watch, turned the ipod off and tuned into the cricket. Waiting. Another wicket for England. Waiting. I looked over. Good heavens – what was taking the boy?
He walked off to the squad car to radio in and check my record. I drummed my fingers, checked my watch, turned the ipod off and tuned into the cricket. Waiting. Another wicket for England. Waiting. I looked over. Good heavens – what was taking the boy?
He eventually walked back over to ask if I had someone who could come and pick me up?
Um, no. Why?
Well, he explained in slightly tremulous voice, I could NO LONGER DRIVE.
Pardon me? Officer (I said firmly) I am 300 kilometres from home. I HAVE to drive.
Pardon me? Officer (I said firmly) I am 300 kilometres from home. I HAVE to drive.
Well, he said, my licence was no longer valid so I was not ALLOWED to drive.
Then Office Wet-Behind-The-Ears was joined by Senior Officer I’m The Boss. You can see where this is going. And it ain’t good.
If I was VERY LUCKY, said Officer WBTE (who was gaining confidence as mine sank alarmingly) he MIGHT be able to write out a temporary permit to allow me to get to my motel (a couple of hundred metres on).
AND, Senior Officer ITB added as I looked less than thrilled at this generous offer, I was VERY LUCKY that he was only issuing a fine for $150 dollars and that I WAS NOT GOING TO COURT.
I stared. This was not happening. Unable to summon the appropriate gratitude for their ‘leniency’, I was then informed that I would have to take a taxi to get my blood tests in the morning, and also to the Department of Transport to get a new licence issued. My mouth hung open. My once-failsafe smile was well and truly wiped from my dial.
I stared. This was not happening. Unable to summon the appropriate gratitude for their ‘leniency’, I was then informed that I would have to take a taxi to get my blood tests in the morning, and also to the Department of Transport to get a new licence issued. My mouth hung open. My once-failsafe smile was well and truly wiped from my dial.
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It stung. Not only was I missing the first scenes of Desperate Housewives, I was going to be VERY late leaving Big Town tomorrow. Mr Incredible would be hosting morning tea on his own. Plus I felt like an utter criminal. All because my bookwork sucks.
It stung. Not only was I missing the first scenes of Desperate Housewives, I was going to be VERY late leaving Big Town tomorrow. Mr Incredible would be hosting morning tea on his own. Plus I felt like an utter criminal. All because my bookwork sucks.
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I have to say, the upset feeling grew as I drove slowly back to the motel. Upset by the expense of a fine (making my ‘night BY MYSELF’ a very expensive one), by being in trouble (much as I like to think I am slightly radical, this only extends to use of the English language and Meme rules!) and by the fact my next day had been stuffed up. Oh and the image of going to court wasn’t helping matters either.
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I have to say, the upset feeling grew as I drove slowly back to the motel. Upset by the expense of a fine (making my ‘night BY MYSELF’ a very expensive one), by being in trouble (much as I like to think I am slightly radical, this only extends to use of the English language and Meme rules!) and by the fact my next day had been stuffed up. Oh and the image of going to court wasn’t helping matters either.
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I started having little conversations with myself, mostly starting with: If I had JUST stayed at Jeanie’s house… I was muttering up a storm when I unlocked the key to the room a few minutes later and flopped onto the bed. Trying to muster up enthusiasm for DH (sans first 2 scenes) I flicked the remote. Crystal clear pictures of Bree remonstrating with Orson. But no sound. For fecks sake. Flipped open the laptop. No Internet connection. The girl at reception couldn’t say why. They’d check it in the morning. And to top it off, I had to start my fast for tomorrow’s blood tests. Needless to say my stress levels were a little higher than anticipated an hour earlier. I decided the fasting could wait half an hour, and doused my coffee heavily in Baileys (hey, there was no milk in the fridge!)
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I won’t make you go through a blow-by-blow of the next 23 hours – I can hear your sigh of relief from here – here is the abbreviated version :
I won’t make you go through a blow-by-blow of the next 23 hours – I can hear your sigh of relief from here – here is the abbreviated version :
COULDN’T SLEEP (watched Letterman ‘interview’ his mother)
GOT TO HOSPITAL FOR BLOOD TESTS (not saying how. You can’t make me!)
GOT TAKE-AWAY BREAKFAST (horrible half-cook bacon and egg roll)
PICKED UP PAVERS (debated with forklift man that the pallet of bricks didn’t look very well wrapped, asked why were three pavers missing from the top layer, and then insisted on rope securing the load… heard man muttering something about ‘typical women’).
GOT LICENCE RENEWED (first in line, nice helpful man expressed amazement that I was told I couldn’t drive in to renew my licence, before he discovered the POLICE who changed my RESIDENTIAL address on my licence when we moved to Granite Glen had failed to alter POSTAL address – reminders have been going to Sandgate. And no, he didn’t think that would be quite enough excuse to take the matter to court. *sigh*)
GOT NEW LICENCE PHOTO (FYI 4 hours sleep + stress + early morning makeup and hair job = V. UNATTRACTIVE mugshot! )
FLED BIG TOWN (Relieved at being a legal citizen of Australia once more. Put on Abba Gold for three hour trip. Dancing Queen blaring and dark mood beings to rise).
DROVE CAREFULLY (Bursts of “Knowing Me, Knowing you” interspersed with concerned looks in rear view mirrors praying that 8 square metres of pavers weren’t scattering over 200km of highway)
STOPPED ABRUPTLY ON GRAVEL ROAD (noting I could suddenly see more of load in right rear-view mirror than was necessary – think Leaning Tower of Pavers.)
SWORE A LOT AS RELOAD OF PAVERS COMMENCED (helpful hint: DON’T wear all-white ensemble when driving about with loads of anything. Especially pavers.)
ARRIVED AT GRANITE GLEN (all pavers present. I think. Axel’s welcome adds to paver stains on white pants.)
ENTER KITCHEN FOR LUNCH WITH ADORABLE HUSBAND (repeating ‘great father, great hubby, doesn’t matter about the housekeeping’ as smell and sight of last night’s old fashioned stew assaults my senses.)
CLIMB BACK INTO PRADO FOR 100 KM ROUND TRIP TO SMALL TOWN (promising self to attack housework on return, still high on post-paver delivery relief)
CALL INTO PUB TO SEE LUNCHING PARENTS (pick up Violet’s sleepover gear, say hello to long-unseen old friend who is travelling through region with his family. Smile broadly as father invites old friend and family to ‘pop in a bit later’ at Granite Glen. Panic on the inside at mental image of bombed house.)
PICK UP VIOLET FROM KINDY (met with tears of ‘how could you leave me?’ variety, immediately followed with ‘yeah, had a great time with Nana’, do groceries in record time, point Prado in direction of home –again – and plan afternoons’ power assault on house)
PICK UP DASH FROM SCHOOL BUS (greeted by a hard hug and grunts reflecting how much my son has missed me)
FED CHILDREN and caffeined self up, took deep breath and …
INSERT 2 HOURS WORTH of SOUND EFFECTS OF LOTS OF WIPING, FOLDING, STACKING, FLUSHING, STACKING, VACCUUMING, BLOWER-VACC-ING AND MORE WIPING. SLAP ON DEODORANT.
GREET VISITORS like NOTHING HAS HAPPENEDin the past 24 hours!!!!
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INSERT 2 HOURS WORTH of SOUND EFFECTS OF LOTS OF WIPING, FOLDING, STACKING, FLUSHING, STACKING, VACCUUMING, BLOWER-VACC-ING AND MORE WIPING. SLAP ON DEODORANT.
GREET VISITORS like NOTHING HAS HAPPENEDin the past 24 hours!!!!
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Kneels for crown of Drama Queen of the Year. Well would kneel, but knees won’t do it. So just waits expectantly…
Still waiting…
Why THANKYOU!
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So… anything exciting happen in your last 24 hours?
15 Comments
traceelements
Geez. I just blogged about a slightly manic morning I had, but, mate, that was totally and absolutely nuthin' compared to the 24 hours you've just had. You can be a drama queen all you like with that tale.
Mary Paddock
Girl, you deserve more than just a crown! You deserve hugs, and lots of cheering! What a day.
I'm surprised at the lack of tolerance over the expired license. Generally here, unless you're six months or so, they simply point it out to you. (I once had a cop let me slide and I was a year over! Of course I was a lot younger and pregnant and I think he was afraid I'd cry!)
Leslie
Aww, crap mate. Honestly!! I'm sorry for you. {{{hugs}}}
Thea Smith
Oh dear! Not fun to live through but makes a great story!! 🙂
Nasty police officer…I'm sure my husband would have been kinder 😉
Bush Babe
*sheepish grin*
I don't really expect anyone to be SORRY for me… after all I did let the blinking thing expire. I usually really like cops – these guys were a TAD 'by the book' for my liking, but they were just doing their job.
And on the 'up' side, I did remember to bring home some extra Indian takeaway for Mr I, so did NOT have to cook dinner that night. Major bonus.
AND our visitors proved to be just wonderful… made it all worthwhile really.
AND my house looks half-reasonable this morning.
🙂
suzinoz
Sorry for your trouble BB, but it certainly makes entertaining reading! =)
jeanie
Big hugs – and by the way, you left your milk here…
Word verification is "dedummen"…
Karen
Wow, you deserve to be the Drama Queen.
Have you ever seen the TV show "24"? You could have starred in an episode of that.
*bows to the Queen*
Kate
Holy Texas darlin'! You definitely deserve some recognition for that…and some ice cream. I think i would've sat down and cried when the pavers came off. that would've done me in. Super Woman anyone?
sues2u2
My hat is off, Your Majesty! Man, what a 24 hrs you had. I recently got a warning for speeding. He was kind enough to tell me that it would have been a $211 ticket if he wasn't so kind. Does that count?
I can truly empathize w/ the housework. Came home from 5 1/2 wks visiting my parents to dead bug carcasses all over the house. Seems no one thought the door should be closed or that they could use a broom & dustbin.
Reddirt Woman
Most exciting thing in my last 24 were reading your post.
BB you deserve a scepter as well as your tiara!
And if TWBTE copper wasn't in training I bet he would have just warned you.
Whew… I need a nap after going through all this with you!
Helen
Debby
Gees. One would have thought that your dazzling smile would have got you off. I agree with all the comments. You are deserving of the crown. *genuflects*
Debby
BB – have you ever read 'Alexander's Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day?' If not, you should get it. Your kids will laugh themselves silly and so will you. Your post reminded me of a line from the book. 'Some days are like that, even in Australia.'
Raising Country Kids
Ah, we're all entitled to be Drama Queen from time to time. . . here's my latest installment: http://www.theprairiestar.com/articles/2009/07/23/ag_news/columnists/erin.txt
It's good to visit here again!
Helz
Not Good Bush Babe… &&& you left the milk behind…