Bovine romance Chapter 1
This is part one of a two-part series of blog posts on the ‘down and dirty’ element of breeding cattle. Not the mud and dust and manure part (well, maybe a little of the latter) but the, er, reproductive part. The baby-makin’ part. You up for it? Okay then, tighten your belts and hang onto your hats.
While the vast majority of our cows here on Granite Glen make calves the ‘old fashioned way’ (i.e. we choose a suitable bull, put him into a paddock with his chosen ‘harem’ and let Mother Nature and some serious bovine hormones take their course) we do occasionally ‘help’ things out a little. Sometimes the genetics we want to add to our herd don’t belong to us. And rather than dash over to the relevent cattle property and indulge in a spot of cattle duffing, we actually BUY the semen. That’s right. We pay our hard-earned to get lots of little ‘straws’ full of moo juice. Well, bull juice. Whatever. We have bits of bull in our tank from places all over Australia, and even from America. We have bits of bull from bulls that have been dead for years. The wonder of modern technology.
This is kinda how it works…
We keep the special straws in a steel tank like this…
Filled with groovy liquid nitrogen. I’m such a kid – I adore watching the whispy ‘steam’ escaping from the tank every time Mr Incredible selects a new straw to use in his AI work. That’s what this procedure is called by the way – AI (Artificial Insemination).
Before we can AI a cow, we have to make sure she is in the correct part of her cycle so she is ovulating (sometimes we tell by just observing her behaviour, sometimes by using special ‘beacons’ we stick on her back, and sometimes by ‘encouraging’ a cycle with drugs). If you ever see a cow ‘jumping’ onto another cow, you know one of them is cycling. They are not just mucking around. Frisky little possums.
Basically we take almost all the fun out of it for the cow. Utensils like this are required for the process…
And I shall just pop this next photo in here with no commentary…
Yuh HUH. Now THAT is a bottle.
AN-EEE-WAY… we (and you know here I don’t mean ME) get the little frozen straw with bull stuff in it, and we thaw it.
Using something very technical, known as ‘almost boiling water’.
No. Before you ask, I don’t use this thermometre in my cooking. Just so you know.
And once the straw is thawed sufficiently, Mr I will SNIP the tip off (and if my male readers didn’t all wince just a little there, they didn’t read that bit carefully enough). And then ‘we’ load it into a plastic sheath and then a sterilized tube… (clean, clean, clean) and then…
Well, he does have only TWO hands – both of which he needs for the job he has to do before the VITAL part of proceedings… I guess I could have helped here, but I was very busy taking photos at the time. Now I DID contemplate showing this next bit in all it’s graphic detail, but decided to go the soft-focus/romantic route (please forgive ALL the terrible puns in this sentence) …
‘Cause you wanted to focus on that massive bottle of romance in the foreground there, didn’t you?
Hello Dash – enjoying this AI business? Can you IMAGINE the kind of interesting questions we get from our littlest helpers during AI time? I’ve just about heard them all (not saying I ANSWERED them all, of course.) One thing I know for sure – sex education at school is going to be a yawn for my kids!
Anyway, speaking of school, I guess I should finish the lesson at hand. Basically, what Mr I did in that soft-focus pic was to place the thawed semen very carefully as close to the important ‘lady bits’ of the cow as possible. And then we let her out into her paddock again …and with any luck, around ten months later, something like THIS will eventuate.
And we all feel as proud as new parents!
Now if you want a SERIOUS rundown on AI procedures (because the Good Lord knows I am in now way qualified) then click here.
If airy-fairy, arty-farty is more up your alley (so to speak) then stay tuned for the next instalment of ...Bovine Romance, Granite Glen-style.
18 Comments
Tracey
Arty-farty AI.. You learn something every day at your blog BB! Can’t wait for the next episode!
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Tara
I am literally weeping with laughter!
A 5+L bottle of LUBE?!
Oh no! It’s too too much!!
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sara perkins
Dash doesnt look too impressed with the whole thing going down.
Jayke
Haha I love the “romantic” shot of the lube! Very tasteful.
Some people might think that the AI is disturbing, but I’ve seen horses done both the AI way and the natural way, and I definitely prefer the AI way.
Can’t wait for the next instalment. 🙂
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Nancy in Iowa
Wow. Just, wow. I’m a late riser by some people’s standards, and it’s 9:15am here, and I haven’t had breakfast yet, and maybe now I won’t. What a way to wake up!
And you’ve added to my continuing education in Life.
Thanks, I think.
Leenie
Very well and very tastefully done. Okay, maybe a little yucchy for the before breakfast crowd. But doing it in the morning is fun—erm. I digress. As a smart-alek teen I ended up as “scrub nurse” in some of those situations. Does take the surprises out of any biology class.
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debby
Once there was a little child. Very nice drawer, and she was told to draw a picture of home. The little farmer’s daughter drew a very detailed picture of their house, and then two cows mating in the side yard. Since the child was a gifted little artist, well, the teacher saw what the cows were doing right away. Sternly, she asked the girl, “WHAT is THIS?” and the little girl began to explain, which horified the teacher even more. Long story short, the teacher called a big meeting of the mind. The teacher was quite upset. Even when the parents explained that this was a farmer’s child.
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jeanie
he he he he – nothing like learning about the birds and the bees – sorry, the bottle and the straws – up close and specific!!!
Very good work, BTW, Bushbabe.
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Elizabeth
……and that my friends is “No Bull”…..
Bush Babe
Oh dear… sorry about the ruined breakfast/s… I need to stick a warning up top for those about to eat in front of their computers!!!
🙂
BB
PS Elisabeth: HAHA!
ellie k
I learn something everytime I read your blog, waiting for part 2.
Theresa in Alberta
vellly interesting! Yup, sex ed will be very hohum boring for your kids. Hey, he will be able to teach the teacher a thing or too if he/she is a city slicker 😉
Nancy in Iowa
Nahhh, BB, don’t worry about me! I’m really very hardy – should have included a smiley face after my comment. Um, I’ve had to do some very strange things in my non-rancher’s life: Had to use a plastic syringe of warm water to clean out a hamster’s pouch when he could no longer empty his cheek stash by himself. House-sat for friends who had a ton of strange critters, including a tortoise who needed to have neosporin applied to his, er, male member a couple of times a day because he had scraped it while “chasing” a female and it was too swollen/abrased to retract. Want more?
SleeplessInKL
One word: ugh! *grimace* 😛
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Amanda
I love the look on Dash’s face.
I fancy Greg’s may have looked the same when at the age of 5 his Dad asked him to “watch the bull and tell me how many cows he gets”. Sex ed goes agricultural….
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Jayne
LMFAO
Loved it.
Yes, the soft, romantic focus shot was splendid.
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Lydia
As the former owner of a dairy farm, I recognized each and every bit of your process. I often held the tail during the “romance” portion of this event.
My goodness, it was always interesting.
Oh, may I say, my son had a few questions for me as well, and he REALLY had a grasp of the birds and the bees — it opened some doors of conversation for sure!
Kelly
You know….I actually find all this quite interesting!
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