The Baked Beans Verse…
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The following verse is a favourite of my SSB (for the uninitiated, these letters can stand for Strong Silent Bloke, Serious S(o)B, or Seriously Sexy Butt, depending on my mood and the state of play in the Granite Glen household). Sometimes however, if you catch him in the right mood, he is just a Silly Silly Boy.
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When he recites this particular verse, SSB cracks himself up. For hours. Well, as much as a Strong Silent Bloke does – its mostly internal but he twinkles about the eyes and you know he thinks he’s as funny as all get out. (Whatever that means…)
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So here we go… wait, hang on. First I need to offer a little language lesson. We don’t say the F word in this house. Not THAT F word (we don’t say that either) the OTHER F word … instead we say “Fluff”, or as TLW likes to embellish “Fluffy Duck”. So if you hear her say, for instance: Daddy just did a fluffy duck, then it’s time to clear the room.
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So in the following verse (and I have no idea to whom I should credit it) I have substituted the F**T word with Fluff. I kinda ruins the rhyme, but I’m sure you’ll chant it with the correct word in place so you can experience the full flavour of my husband’s humour.
Ready? Here we go:
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BAKED BEANS
ARE GOOD FOR YOUR HEART
BAKED BEANS
THEY MAKE YOU *FLUFF*
THE MORE YOU *FLUFF*
THE BETTER YOU FEEL
BAKED BEANS FOR EVERY MEAL!
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Enjoy your breakfast!
Love
Bush Babe
10 Comments
debby
Oh, my gosh. I did not realize this little ditty was world wide!
That ‘f’ word is not unknown to our house. The other ‘f’ word…well, I have to be really, really, REALLY mad. And then usually you’ve got some horrible child (remember they are all grown-ups now) howling, “I can’t believe it. Mom dropped the ‘f’ bomb.”
There is the sad truth about me.
Now that you know the real me, you can tell me that I’m not allowed to visit your website anymore. Slinks away red-faced.
Bush Babe (of Granite Glen)
Ahhhhh… as I suspected. The Baked Beans verse is in fact, universal. I wonder if it was put out by Heinz through football coaches world wide to brainwash us all subliminally (should that be sub-testosterone-ly?). Don’t be slinking away woman – I am talking to you!!!! My mum uses a made-up word to subsitute the Big F word… witch bitch. Cracks me up more than the Baked Beans poem!!!
And now it is WAY past my bedtime, I am clearly delirious so goodnight and good luck!
BB
Anonymous
My Mother’s PC version ran-
Baked Beans, the musical fruit,
The more you eat the more you toot.
The more you toot the better you feel,
So eat Baked Beans for every meal.
BTW– seriously, the Dixie Chicks?
Pencil Writer
Yes, that little ditty has been quoted by my almost 21 yo son way too often. My girls–all older than their brother–seem to ignore the fact that neither their father nor I use the “vulgar” F term–either of them actually. The “f bomb” as some refer to it, really does not make any sense to me–especially as freely as it seems some people use it. It just hurts my soul. (I litterally cringe when I hear it.)
Okay. I’m very sensitive. Society seems to be, in way too large numbers, slithering around as bottom feeders in the social register, if you know what I mean. (I certainly am not in any kind of “high society”, either.) And, I’m not trying to be sanctimonious, because I let a couple of words out from time to time when really agravated, too. Forgive me for it, but I think there’s such a variety of perfectly good vocabulary words that work so much better than the “four-letter” kind. (Now, I’ll slink away from my soap box.)
I very much enjoy your blog, BB, and will continue to be a fan! Baked Beans and all! (I really do enjoy eating baked beans, by the way . . . Mexican Black Bean soup, re-fried beans, pinto beans with ham.)
Pencil Writer
Oh, BTW, love the new Header on your blog. Of course, I liked the old one, too! Hope today is a great one for you!
Anonymous
Saw your comment on PW. :o) I thought I’d help. “Hiney” is short for “hind end” or your butt cheeks. Isn’t this just a Cultural Mecca? :o) :o)
Val in MD, USA
Andrea
I remember that rhyme from elementary school. My mom would have put soap in my mouth if I had ever said it infront of her! LOL!!
Jenni
I say both “f” words, but like Debby, I reserve that one “f” word for special occasions. Why is it that the “f” word is perceived to be worse than the “s” word anyway?
We say your version a little differently and the musical fruit version the same as the anonymous commentor. The first one goes like this:
Beans, beans they’re good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you f**t
The more you f**t, the better you feel
So eat your beans at every meal.
(Asterisks for your benefit, Bush Babe.)
My Pop (paternal grandfather) taught me both of these when I was very young, and dh’s Nanny (great grandma) taught him. Dh, however, likes to make it extra crude and for the last line he substitutes:
“So open your butt and let it squeal.”
Nasty. I think I need to slink away to wherever Debby went now.
Bush Babe (of Granite Glen)
Deb – you know you are always welcome at granite glen (esp in goanna season, they LOVE the f word).
Anonymous – yes, seriously, the Dixie Chicks. I cannot take an anonymous comment too seriously though, so I will also throw in some LRB and Olivia Newton John. hah!
Pencil writer – you and mu Mum should join forces and cleanse the world – I agree it’s just downright lazy to resort to such language. it’s been well established that I am quite lazy however, so i’ll have a cuppa and let you girls go to it!
Val – thanks for the American translation. I’m getting there, but sometimes I do feel a bit of jet lag coming on…
Jenni – thanks for the asterisks. Mum might be looking and I’d hate to cause any more embarrasment than I’ve already envoked. SSB will be delighted to have a new line to add to the ditty.
Bombs away!!
BB
jeanie
I am doing you a service in announcing that cabbages can also cause music to be made – as it was here last night. And it was indeed “da bomb”!
Oh – and over here, we “f”. We are very natural that way. We also do a whole heap of pseudonyms, because we love beans and veges.
We only “F” when the whipper snipper won’t start or when we forget that we aren’t on a job site. That would be the royal we for the royal he. I only use it when bodily injury is imminent or I have just stood on the cat.
I never ever use it around one parent – but would you believe – I heard the other parent use the “AH” word out loud the other day!